Hi, I’d like a ticket for “The Godfather 6: Fredo’s Revenge”, please. I’m sorry, did you say $10 for one person? No problem. I have a pass here for –what’s that? You don’t take passes for new releases. I see. Well, no big deal, right? Okay. I’d like a popcorn, a small Coke—no really, just the small. I understand the medium is only 50 cents more, but I really just want the small. You’re not going to let this go, are you? Okay, I’ll have the medium, then. And what’s the total? But I don’t have a firstborn. If I guess your name can I go sit down? Thanks…Tim? Right on.
Oh good. The theater’s pretty much empty. I’ll just sit over here and enjoy my delicious…Oh hello. No. No one is sitting next to me. Sure, you can sit there, I guess. I’m sorry, sir, but could you please not lean over the arm rest onto my lap? Thanks. Is that your son? He’s very cute, yes. How old is he? Two-years-old. Right. So, has he seen the other 5 Godfathers and just couldn’t wait to find out what happens? Just the first four, eh? No no I’m sure he’ll still be able to appreciate Fredo’s wrath. Oh we better be quiet now. I don’t want to miss Front Row Joe and his creepy dancing horde selling me discolored goody bits.
What the hey? I distinctly remember this Coke in its liquid form. I guess it gave in to the Tundra conditions in here. They must house penguins between shows to supplement the theater income. No problem. I’ll forget all about it when the movie starts. Great Gatsby that preview’s loud! Who does their sound check? A Metallica roadie circa 1987?
Okay, Kid, I know you’re busy reading Call of the Wild by the light of your cell phone, but when you’re done, if you could quit kicking my seat, that would rule. And seriously, you don’t have to read it out loud to your gum-smacking friends. They’re gonna miss the good parts anyway because that’s their fifth trip to the bathroom and the movie’s opening credits haven’t even finished.
And to my left…Slurp! Gobble! Ring ring! Hello? Yes, I took the chicken out of the fridge. It’s on the counter. IT’S ON THE COUNTER! Sorry, my reception isn’t great in here. I’m in the theater. Yeah, it’s started. You totally shoulda come! Shhhhhh! You shhhhh!
Man, I love the movies. *Exhausted sigh*
2 comments:
I want to be there!
I went to see Cloverfield when it hit the theaters and some guy at the end of my row got a call right when they get to the subway and it gets all quiet. He stayed on the phone THE REST OF THE MOVIE and would yell at all of US to shut the fuck up because he couldn't hear whoever he was talking to.
This is the ATL. I'm amazed he wasn't shot.
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